Friday, August 1, 2008

Never Trust Them.......

Yesterday, I forgot the cardinal rule of being a mother of three.......Never trust them....don't turn your back on them.

Okay, I used to drive a really nice vehicle. A beautiful Chevrolet S-10 pickup. The most beautiful shade of blue you could hope for. I kept that baby squeaky clean. No trash in the floor, no dust on the dashboard. Man, it was smokin'.

Fast forward fourteen years and three kids later. It is just something that I have had to let go. A messy, nasty ride. The grocery getter. If I had a rocking chair tied to the top, I could win the best Redneck ride ever.

So, yesterday, I lost it. I opened the back door of my mini=van and trash spilled out onto the ground. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't stand it one more minute. I grabbed my 12 (excuse me, almost 13 year old) son and headed down to the friendly neighborhood car wash and vacuum place. Then spent a good twenty minutes sweating and fussing about all the twelve pounds of dried up french fries I found between the back seat the and wall of the car. YUCK...... I could have filled a recycle box with all the trash that came out of that back area. Stink? Oh, don't even get me started. I found a half eaten box of chicken nuggets in the bottom of the overflowing trash can. Apparently, they had gotten wet at some point and we were definitely trying to win a science award for growing cultures in the garbage.

So, I'm all proud of this nice, clean van. I could just cry it looked so good. And then it happened, I think it was the heat that did son says, "Mom, look here, it's one of them fragrance machines". And because I was gagging over the smell of those rotten chicken nuggets, I said to myself, "Self, I bet the car would smell soooooooooo good. Ooooh, they have a baby powder scented spray. Who doesn't love baby powder???? I'm no communist, I love the smell of a freshly diapered infant and the smell of their heads, is just wonderful. But I digress,

I dug four of my hard earned quarters out of my pocket and ching, ching, ching, ching, in they went. And this nozzle from H -E- double hockey sticks starts spraying this fragrance.
Now the instructions are 4 quarters for 40 seconds of spray. AND that you should spray under the back of the front seats of the vehicle. I was ready to stop spraying at 3 seconds. But, in these hard economic times, I really couldn't justify wasting 37 seconds of sprayed fragrance, could I?

The smell was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo loud. We had to drive with the windows down. When I got out at home, my head was throbbing...It was a mistake and I was so sorry. BUT, not as sorry as I was today. Yikesarama. That is some strong stuff.

Okay, I am chuckling as I read this because when my 6 year old daughter got in the car today, she wrinkled her pretty little nose and said, "Mom, did you spray bug spray in here or did you just toot?"

Don't trust them.......and never turn your back on them.


Givinya De Elba said...

Bug spray or a toot? That's so funny! Thanks for coming by Killing A Fly and leaving a comment! And if you ever run for president, I'll vote for you!

Adelaine said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

I soooo know what you mean about a dirty car. Mine are filthy! About once a week I get the luxury of driving a university mini-van for my job. The guys in travel service keep those babies so nice and clean - I just love half a day of not smelling stale french fry!

Shelley said...

Thanks Givinya and Adelaine, for stopping by. Come back again soon.

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

Wow, can I relate with the fries and the nuggets. I think I have a melt down about once a week about the kids taking their stuff back out of the van that they bring in. And then I swear off eating in the van. Then drinks go. Then my husband cleans it all out for me and we start all over again.

Anonymous said...

I had to clean my car out today and as I removed Ned's seat, I found a horrid, gooey, sticky mess that took forever to clean off and made me feel icky and gross. Children are just disgusting creatures and I never thought I would have a "mom" car, but unfortunately I do. It is my disgusting creature's fault.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

EmmaK said...

I tend to try and you know, just let the kids eat healthy food in the car to prevent the stink of fast food, but then all I find under the seats are atrophied orange peel and three month old apple cores. Yuck!

Caroline said...

Ugh - bug spray or toot? Didn't know there were bottled scents for those! I prefer new car smell myself. That would have been better. You should make a post about all the things you found in your car. The chicken nuggets/science experiment gone wrong was hilarious! Gross.

Caroline said...

Oh, and I saw in your profile that you love anything with Medea. Amen sustah (ebonics). He/She is so funny.

"The Lord says Peace Be still."

"Peace, be still, pashaw, I just show em' my piece of steel. Amen, Thank you Jeeeesssssuuuuuusss.!"

Diary of a Mad Black Woman - great movie.

Anonymous said...

ROFL! I too have tried those nasty car spray devices...not so good - seriously get yourself one of the little trees...just maybe don't hang it from your mirror. I like to hang mine from the cigarette lighter. Works just as well but much less obvious. lol :)

Melissa said...

Shell, how did I miss this post? Hil. ar. i. ous. I can just see "A" saying that in her little squeaky, professor like voice. You and I need to do a switcheroo of our blogs. I'll promote yours and you promote mine. Whaddya say? Glury!!! How yer dern? Thank ya Jesus.