Scourge of the Universe
Good morning to everyone. I hope that everyone's Labor Day holiday was pleasant and fulfilling.
I have to tell you all that my DH has moved me to a land where the scourge of the earth lives in A B U N D A N C E...!!!!!!!
Yesterday, I decided that it was cool enough and shady enough for my medicated skin to take a trip outside and mow the lawn. Yippee!! Really!!! I love to mow the grass. It's simple, doesn't require much thought and no one is yelling MOM in your ear at 100 decibels all the time.
However.......and that word is key to this story......little did I know that my usually pleasant task was going to turn into H E double hockey sticks.
I despise, loath, hate, just every negative word you can think of.... spiders. I consider them to be the scourge of the earth. Our property is beautifully wooded and just gorgeous. Yeah, and full of banana spiders.''
How much fun would it be to sit back and watch me mow grass under the trees constantly shrieking at the top of my lungs because I'm afraid that the spider web I have just ran into has a banana spider in it and that the aforementioned creature is on me somewhere crawling. Just waiting to get it's fangs into my flesh and cause me all kinds of untold misery. It's not a pretty sight. It's hilarious, but not pretty.
I called my pest control people and asked them if the spider was poisonous and they said No, but they can bite and they will make you hurt yourself trying to get away from them. Yeah, hallalujer on that one, good buddy.
So today, my throat is sore from all the hollering I did and my kids are convinced that mom has something really wrong with her mind.
9 comments:
I. hate. spiders. with. a. passion.
UGH!! I hate spiders too! It brings out the unreasonable side of you..doesn't it!!! The worst is walking into a web and wondering WHERE the spider went!?
Thanks for checking out my blog!! I was so excited to get a comment!
OK...I will read this and comment after I tell you something first.
We are breaking up. You did NOT say my Robert Pattinson wasn't hot enough. He IS Edward. He is one of my boyfriends. He is delicious. He has gorgeous hands. His jawline is perfection. Um, hello...he sounds fabulous both in his native accent AND doing an American one. Do I need to go on?
I am so mad at you.
Whew...OK, now I'll be over it. But you have to give him a chance. Send me your e-mail...I have things that will make you a believer.
I'd feel more sympathy for you if you were on my Robert Pattinson bandwagon.
Just kidding. Kind of. Spiders don't bother me. But that's because I grew up in Georgia, land of ginormous, flying cockroaches. Give me a measly spider anyday.
And I adore "Love Will Come To You." Even blogged about it once...the best lyric ever is "My words are paper tigers, no match for the predator of pain inside her..." Ah, those Indigo Girls...poets with guitars. I've seen 'em in concert a few times, too. Love them!
Last night when I was tucking Gabe into bed, he pointed out with glee a spider that was making its way from his ceiling to his lego table. I promptly squooshed it with a book and a box, and Gabe was so mad. Too bad, little man, too bad. Spiders do not belong in our home.
So you can see that I totally sympathize with you. About the spiders. I'm in agreement with Lula on Robert, though. Truly, he IS Edward. But I'm not breaking up with you over it.
Thanks for visiting Becky. I'm sure I will hear all about her first blogger friend (besides me) at the gym in a few minutes!
Hey there! I just linked over from Another Day in Paradise. Love your sight. I am a fellow purple lover too.
And... this is weird, but I am ridiculously afraid of dogs and cats and have no fear of spiders whatsoever. Soooooo backwards. I hate it!
I didn't know you had a blog. Very cool. I am new to this whole world. I am doing it more for a journal for the kids. Should have been doing it while were moving around the world.
BTW, I hate spiders too - I hate walking straight into one of their webs out there in the woods! But I think of all bugs, I hate roaches the worst. I had one fly on my head as a teenager - very traumatic!
Ouisa, :)
Glad God spoke to you --- that's why I mourn the bloggy loss of Melissa.. Such a heart for God that could speak volumes to me, as well.
*sigh*
Keep your head up, Dear. God's gotcher back.
oh - p.s. you WON'T believe what my boys just yelled to me:
MOM! THERE'S A TARANTULA ON OUR WINDOW!
(mom goes in...)
"HONEY!!! THERE'S A TARANTULA ON THEIR WINDOW!" (ok, so maybe NOT a tarantula, but it's great dramatic effect...)
(enter husband) "Oh wow, Boys! What a great opportunity to watch the miracle of God's natural world right outside your dark, screened, flung wide-open window..." (I added some of that. And I also added outloud:
"HONEY...LOOK AT ITS F.A.N.G.S. You SURE you want to leave that thing out there?!?!!!!!!!)
Yikes!
Me? NOT a fan of spiders.
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